Shattered
by Lil' Bodor
Summary: When you lose someone, it's not how they died that leaves an impression, its the memories that they left behind.


The words shattered me, like I was made of glass. I was turned into millions and millions of shards with just two little words. The world seemed to freeze as the words ran through my mind over and over.

_The knock on the door that had started it all. 'Uncle Ron!' I had cried, after a look out the peephole, flinging the door open and stopping short of throwing myself into his arms at the look on his face._

'_Lil's, we have to go to your parent's, its important,' he said quietly, taking my hands in both of his and meeting my eyes seriously._

'_Ron,' Scorpious' voice came from behind Lily but she hadn't the strength to turn around._

_Ron had met Scorpious' eyes over the top of my head where he was sure to be wiping his hands on a dishtowel, the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up as he dried the dishes._

_Scorpious knew of the mission Harry and a team had been on today. As head of the Auror department, and due to the danger, Harry had insisted that he be present, in case it went terribly wrong. He KNEW of the danger. It's the reason he went. It couldn't be so. It couldn't have happened. It must be someone else._

_Ron nodded slightly, his gaze still on Scorpious as I turned and met Scorpious' suddenly sad grey eyes which had been sparkling so intensely in their kitchen just previously._

'_Go with Ron sweetheart. I'll be here when you get home okay?' he forced a smile, knowing she could see right through it, walking up to give her a quick hug and kiss before pushing her gently into Ron's arms._

_The moment they popped out of existence, Scorpious was on his knees, tears dripping down his face._

My hands trembled and my knuckles were white from where I was gripping the edge of the bench top hard, attempting to control the emotions that were rushing a hundred miles an hour through my head.

_I stumbled ungracefully out of the fireplace and would have landed flat on my face on the floorboards if it hadn't of been for two strong arms wrapping tightly around my waist, heaving me and up and pulling me close as the tears, that hadn't stopped since I had been told, ran thicker than ever._

'_He's gone,' I cried brokenly, feeling my voice crack as my sobs took over any chance of coherent voice._

'_I know honey, I know, shh, it's gonna be okay, I'm here, I love you, let it out,' Scorpious' soft voice had soothed me and I let go the last of my barriers, letting the grief run free._

'_WHY? WHY HIM! HE DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE. HE WAS TOO YOUNG TO DIE,' I screamed bloody murder, trying to pull away from Scorpious who only gripped me tighter. I struggled for a couple more moments before the effort became to great and I collapsed into his arms, to stricken to do anything more._

_I felt his grip change and I was swung up into his arms as he carried me into the lounge room to sit on an armchair, me curled up in his lap while I cried through the night._

I stared at the pristine white walls of the very house I wished I wasn't in. The overly clean kitchen I was standing in, seemed to mock me. The shining silver stools stood tall and strong and the fruit bowl sat untouched and perfect at the other end of the cold, hard counter.

The smooth, spotless, granite bench tops sparkled in the light like nothing was wrong. But of course nothing was wrong with them; they were bench tops for crying out loud!

I moved. Through the hallway. Pause. His study.

His papers were still in his study, books, photographs, notes, whiteboard, all still thrown haphazardly around the room ready for the return that would never occur, all the while his scent permanented the air. I pulled the door closed and kept moving.

Up the stairs. Pause. His photographs.

Photographs of us, of our family, of his school days, of our parents. When he was young, younger than he was last week anyway. When he was the 'chose one', when the weight of the world was on his shoulder but nothing could defeat him, not even the Dark Lord himself. Those days were gone. Like he was gone.

Down the hallway. Pause. His room.

His pyjama's still lay on the chair, his knick knacks still stood on the dresser, his book marked on his side table his clothes still in their wardrobe. But they would never be worn again. Because he was gone.

Uncle Ron was in their office at the ministry, probably thinking the same thing. His jacket still thrown messily over his chair, his wallet and keys still thrown carelessly on his desk, the photographs of his children and wife still on the shelves, his papers piled high in the corner of his desk where he hoped to ignore them for just a little while longer.

Everything he valued, except his wand, was there, nothing else taken with him on the mission he wouldn't return from.

Memories flooded my vision, drawing me into their sweet embrace. I watched and felt, as the thing I wished for the most ran ahead of me laughing and smiling through the tall green trees of the forest behind our large house.

_I felt myself push my tiny little, seven year old legs to their burning point as I tried to catch him while I giggled as only a small child can. We broke out of the trees back into the orchard of plum and apple trees in the backyard of his house. I felt the memory of my younger self push my legs that little bit further and jump onto the man's back. He laughed as we tumbled to the ground. My childish giggles continuing to echo throughout the back yard.  
_

_I felt my memory shift to later that day when I was on his shoulders. I felt the sun beat down on my fair, freckled skin and the light breeze wash over my face in a sea of coolness. The hair I had my little fingers dug into was soft and black, shining in the light. The hotness of the day had caused it to go curly and I wrapped my little fingers in the rings them to make them even curlier. _

_We both waved to the figures in the kitchen window as we walked towards the large house at the end of Godric's Hollow, from the stroll we had taken in the damp forest earlier that morning. _

_A ten year old boy waved heartily at us both with a smile full of lost baby teeth before being chased out of view by an elder boy of thirteen, both rushing out of view deeper into the shadow strewn house. The other person, a woman, smiled a smile that lit up the window, swinging her bright red hair out of her fair face as she opened the back door for us._

_Four years later, a call from downstairs had me running down eagerly, only to jump into the arms of the very man i wished was still here. He was holding the letter, the one i had been counting down for all year, my Hogwarts letter. I was eleven and ignorant to the rest of the world. Mum was the prettiest lady, daddy was smart, my brothers were annoying and my cousins lived in 'far away' places. _

_Seven years later. Dressed in a floor length, silver gown that shimmered as i walked, i stood to face my father. He knelt and buckled the tiny strap that had come loose on my expensive heels before straightening up and looking, just looking, at his only daughter, his eighteen year old daughter on her way to the Ministry's annual Christmas ball with none other than Scorpious Malfoy._

'_I'm proud of you sweetie, I really am,' he had whispered in my ear as he hugged me lightly. I brushed him off as being over sentimental, but just once I wish he would tell me that again. Just once I wish he would hug me so tight I can't breathe, or tell me to be careful around that 'Malfoy' boy. Just once I wish he was back, he was alive and he was there to tell me silly things, tell me frighteningly real stories and enchant me with the ones that aren't. I wish he was alive so I could tell him that I miss him, that I love him and that I can't live without him._

And so, dressed in a knee length, lace covered dress, with lace gloves on my pale freckled hands I stand in my doorway. Looking in the same mirror I had my whole life, going through all the times I had yelled at him to get out of my room. All the times he had told me I was beautiful and brilliant, a spitting image of my grandmother, my namesake, Lily Evans/Potter, with the courage of my grandfather James Potter, the temper of my other grandmother Molly Weasley, the insanity of his godfather Sirius Black, the stubbornness of my mother, the knack for getting up to mischief from my Uncle George and Uncle Fred, and my unfailing kindness from my Aunt Luna. What he would never say is that all of those traits, they came from him as well. But the most important trait he would never admit came from him, too humble and modest for his own good, is my ability to love. To love deeply. To love truly. But most of all. That I would do anything for the people I love. No matter the circumstances. If it came to it, I would die for them, as those before me, had died for my chance to be born, to live, to grow, to love.

I pulled the veil out of my face, tossing it onto my bed. I uncovered my hair and pulled it over one shoulder, knowing that my hair was one of the things he loved best about my appearance. The flames that cascaded and curled down my back, the curling flames that would brush the earth as I spun to catch the snitch in a Quidditch game, the curling flames that he always said would make or break someone's heart one day. The heart in whom it had made, and would hopefully never break, belonged to a blonde boy downstairs, ready to comfort, to calm, to be there, by my side, when the time came. And it had come. I knew, that by the foot of the stairs, the love of my life sat. The son of a man my father had saved the life of on more than one occasion. Scorpious Malfoy. The ring on my left hand caught the light and smiled wanly, he was my happiness.

The stairs seemed a million miles high as I stepped out of my room and along the hallway to descended them in relative silence.

My dress swished, my hair swung and I kept my head high in a way that would make my father proud, because that is all I ever wanted, for him to be proud, for him, saviour of the Wizarding world, to want me, his daughter, to want me because I was an individual, not because I basked in his glory and hid in his shadow.

And step out of his shadow I did. Everything he did, I did opposite, except play seeker at school. That was in the blood. I tried my best at school, I became a prefect, and then on to be head girl. I wrote home, I flirted, I kissed, I pushed and pulled the people around me.

I left school. I worked harder. I'm the best in my class in healer training. I've been accelerated a year. I'm nearly finished. I'm engaged to be married. I'm only 21. He will never walk me down the aisle. He'll never clap Scorpious on the shoulder again and wink at him after a joke spoken too seriously. He'll never sit out on the back porch with me tucked under his arm as we watched the stars.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, unsuccessfully. I took one step onto the staircase and froze.

_'Lily Luna Potter! You are requested in the kitchen!' her father's teasing voice rang out as she had reached this particular spot and shook her head with a fond grin at her father's silliness before continuing down the stairs._

_ 'Yes oh wisest father dear?' she asked graciously, bowing a low sweeping bow. _

_ 'You ready to go my love?' He asked with a grin as Lily straightened and flicked a piece of hair from her eyes and he her attire in with a smile._

_ 'Of course!' Lily had grinned, twirling in her white summer dress and gold heels for her father's approval._

_ 'You look wonderful, as always, come on munchican, let's leave before your mother tells you off for those shoes again,' he grinned, eyes twinkling as Lily took his arm and they disappeared with a pop from the kitchen._

I jolted out of my memory at the soft whisper of my name from the bottom of the stairs.

Scorpious stood, one foot on the bottom stair, one on the ground, his hand resting lightly on the banister as he watched his fiancée battle with herself.

'Lily?' He questioned, holding his hand out to me as though I was an animal he didn't want to scare off.

_'Lily?' Her father questioned, looking up at her from the bottom step of the staircase in concern. I sat half way up, back against the wall and legs stretched across the width of the stairwell looking at the ceiling._

_ I didn't move, my only sound to be a slight sniffle as I tried to stop my stupid traitorous tears from falling, and the sound of Al's 17th birthday party from outside muffled by the walls._

_ Her father sighed and walked up the stairs to sit on the one below her, removing his glasses and rubbing his tired eyes._

_ They sat like this for a while, in comfortable silence. They had this down to an art. When something was wrong, harry would sit, just sit, with his daughter, until she decided how to start. And she always found a way to start._

_ 'Rose kissed Scor,' I murmured, my tears, which had slowed, coming faster. _

_ 'Is that so?' Harry asked, surprise colouring his voice at the mention of his second eldest niece. It was not uncharacteristically harsh for Rose to go to such lengths to get something she wanted, but to do so and hurt her cousin? The cousin who had looked up to her so much throughout their growing up? Not to mention Scorpious is three years younger than herself. _

_ Harry was aware that his daughter and Scorpious were on break. Although it was only Lily's stubborn nature keeping them apart. They had been dating since September. It was now December 24th, Christmas Eve and Albus' birthday, and they had decided on taking a break on the last day of school. Or well from what Albus had told Ginny was, Lily decided and Scorpious, as always, did what he could to make her happy, in this case, agreeing with her, even though even Harry could see the pain in his eyes when he looked at Lily the days he had been around since the week before and particularly tonight. She was wearing the hair comb he had bought her for her eleventh birthday and the necklace from her 15th which she never took off. Not to mention the innocent yet form fitting white dress that she was wearing that brought the eye to her best assets. The gold heels made her legs a thousand times longer and she looked beautiful, to everyone, but especially, to Scorpious._

_ 'She just walked right up to him, where he was standing with Teddy and Vickie, and kissed him,' I said, my voice full of the disbelief I felt, as I waved her hand in front of myself nonchalantly. Harry had always loved the way his daughter spoke with her hand's, she was terribly expressive and would jump up if necessary to prove a point._

_ 'Don't you think,' Harry started delicately. 'That you need to give Scorpious a break?' Harry paused as I rolled my head a little, still not looking at him, but showing my interest._

_ 'Did you stay to see what Scorpious did, or did you run the moment you saw her mouth touch his?' Harry asked, not really liking the thought of Rose's mouth touching anyone's but none the less, he got the response he was aiming for._

_ I opened and closed my mouth a couple times, probably looking like a gaping fish before finally deciding on the truth._

_ 'I left,' I whispered brokenly, realisation thundering down on me like a sudden rainstorm. I needed to talk to him._

_ 'Lily! Lily where are you? I know you're in here! Please just-,' His voice fell and Father and daughter both lifted their heads off of the wall in sync and turned to stare at the new comer who had stopped at the bottom of the stairs, out of breath, his eyes, his posture, his aura, everything, showing his apology, his pain, his ache. _

'_-talk to me,' he breathed out._

_Harry caught his eyes and for whatever reason Scorpious nodded to him and turned. _

_ Scorpious sent another apologetic glance to me and nodded to Harry again before backing into the hallway and sitting down against the wall out of earshot._

_ 'And he chased you. So what are you going to do now?' Harry asked, no louder than a whisper as he turned to look at me, his baby girl where I was looking at the hallway where I could just see the toe of Scorpious' shoe where he had sat against the wall. _

_I jolted at the feeling of my father's hand on my own and met his emerald eyes, the same ones I saw in the mirror every morning._

_ 'I should talk to him,' I whispered finally and met my father's eyes asking if it was the right choice._

_ 'This is where I leave you. I must have a stern word with your cousin. Come find me when you,' he paused and waved his hand around. 'Sort this out okay?'_

_ Harry reached up and kissed my cheek and the back of the hand he held before squeezing it and getting to his feet._

_ Harry walked down the remainder of the stairs and past Scorpious whom had his hands in his hair, tugging it as he looked at the wall._

_ 'Up you go son,' Harry murmured, tapping his shoulder and nodding to the staircase behind him._

_ 'Thankyou Mr Po-Harry,' Scorpious changed at the last minute due at Harry's look. 'You have to know that I don't like Rose! I don't know what she was doing, I rarely speak to her except for when I'm here. And I pushed her away as soon as I realised what was happening but Lily ran and then Albus held me back while you went in and just I didn't mean to hurt her-' Harry cut him off._

_ 'I know you wouldn't have done a thing to hurt my baby intentionally. I know you love her..,' Scorpious coloured at this but to his merit he didn't drop his eyes from Harry's. _

'_And I accept that. No I don't think I will ever like the idea that I'm losing her and that she's growing up, but I see it. I just think she still needs a bit of help to see it though,' Harry nodded as emerald met stormy grey._

_ 'Thank you,' Scorpious said again and Harry gripped his shoulder._

_ 'Do your best okay? You know her as well as I do. Come find me when you sort it out okay son? Goodluck,' Harry winked with a grin as Scorpious swallowed visibly and seemed to steel himself before rounding the corner and looking up at his beautiful, broken angel._

'Lily we have to go sweetheart,' Scorpious tried again, debating whether to move or not as her eyes cleared and she looked at him, emerald to stormy grey, just like that identical emerald pair belonging to another had met his so many times.

Lily bit her lip and walked down the remaining steps to stand infront of Scorpious. She shuffled forward a little until he got the hint and wrapped his arms around her waist. Lily tucked her curtain of hair behind her ear and a single tear fell.

'Love,' Scorpious murmured brokenly before she threw her arms around his neck and he pulled her closer, letting her bury her face into his neck as tears soaked into his robes, his own rolling down into her hair as he kissed it and tucked it under his chin.

_'Daddy it hurts!' she cried out, big fat tears rolling down her face where she had fallen out of the tree to land on her ankle which was now sticking out in a funny direction. Harry raced to her side and slid to his knees in the grass gathering her close and rocking her back and forward, kissing her hair as he murmured to her._

_ 'Shh baby, shh it's okay, Daddy will fix it okay? Calm down, I know, I know it hurts, but it's okay we'll fix it,' He crooned moving away a little to numb her ankle with his wand and move to heal the bone which had cracked in the fall._

_ 'There we go darling, see all better,' Harry reached forward and wiped her face with his thumbs before standing and lifting her up onto his hip as she hid in his shoulder._

_ 'How about we go and get some lemonade and icy poles? How does that sound hmm?' he asked as her carried her back to the house at the far end of the backyard._

_ 'Okay,' she whispered, tears still rolling but slower as they walked, soon to disappear. Because her daddy could fix everything and nothing would ever go wrong._

They were at the graveyard now, my father was being lowered into the ground and I couldn't help but think, he won't be fixing everything now, because something HAD gone wrong, and he was gone, forever.

The memories had faded and the crushing feeling I felt for my mum, my brothers and my family, returned in full force reducing my breathing to staggered gasps as I clutched at Scorpious' supporting arm across my stomach, struggling to keep myself upright and to not double over like I felt I should.

Two strong, warm arms wrapped around me as a familiar scent smothered my senses.

James

I felt Scorpious release me and I turned fully into the arms.

The warm, strong and yet gentle arms of my brother crushed me to his chest and I hid my face in his shoulder as he hid his in my hair. I felt a cold sensationon my scalp, as his tears conveyed the grief, the agony; he was feeling, from his heart to mine as mine soaked into his collar in response.

I pulled back enough to reach up and wipe the tears off of his face and off of my own before gripping his hand in my own and nodding at him as he grimaced and nodded, kissing the back of my hand as we pulled away except for our hands.

Albus appeared on my other side and griped my hand tightly, sharing a look with me and James as we stood to face it. Stood to face the family, stood to face the world, stood to face reality.

_Harry Potter, my father, was gone, and the rest of us were left behind, shattered._


End file.
